I have recently begun collecting cassette tapes and found the beautiful world of bootlegging! The ones I got at the thrift store were all made in the homes of some random person and when I give up my collection some sunny day I would like remembered like that too. Some of the tapes include live performances and it's absolutley exquisit. Got the Beatles' Abbey Road album for 99 cents, what a steal.

My hockey cards came in !! I odered some relatively cheap hockey cards off of ebay a week ago and a few of them came in :D I didn't have any Sidney Crosby or Evgeni Malkin ones so I splurged on them for a bit. Two of the cards consists of images of them before joining the NHL. Geno when he was playing for Metallurg and Sid was playing for Ramiuski. I also got a debut card for Sid too !!! They are my current prized possesions, them, and my David Bowie live performances on tape.

Besides that, not much has been going on. Hope all is well with everyone out there in the web. Take care of yourselves, love one another, and remember any and all bad feelings will pass with time :)

Best,

Kit ♡

Ever since i was 10 years old i've had this sadness stuck deep inside me; interwoven in my muscles and bones. Yesterday I got really sad becuase I didn't have much of a happy childhood. My parents are lovely and my sister is my best friends, but outside the warm sanctuary I had formed with them inside of it, I was so deeply alone. School was unenjoyable and I had little to no friends. What I thought would be case of teenage angst somehow seeped into my post-highschool life. I am twenty years old and still trying to figure out what happened from ages 10-18 because all of it seems like a blur. The sadness is seemingly still blurring my perception of life right now, and all I want is for it to stop. I am scared I will be like this forever. I'm scared that my depression will prevent me from making valuable connections and being a good person. My brain always feels like it has been filled with water, similar to the feeling of getting water in your ear after swimming in the pool except I can't shake it out, it's stuck there. Maybe I just wasn't meant to live a happy life. Maybe I wasted all this time being miserable. Take me home please and hold me close, but don't expect any words of soft admiration to be whispered into your ear, that's just not me.

I don't know why people are so relucent to confront others. Please tell me when I do something wrong, or look bad, or smell bad I want to jump in front of a train when you wisper to your friend right in front of me. Then that leaves me to figure it out on my own as to why people are staring at me which will then lead to a night of misery. God there is no redemption for me, I will always be weird to people and they'll always stare and I'll always be miserable. I'm afraid I will never get better, that I'll be stuck like this till the end of time. Please God if you have any mercy left in your sould please me be normal.

I got out of my depressive episode a few days ago and I notice a difference in my mood but not my willingness to do anything. I am so confused. There are things I will never understand. Last night didn't go so well, so I didn't get any sleep. Head feels like its waterlogged.

my despressive episode is getting unbearable, I need it to stop. This sadness seems neverending, like i am being eaten from the inside out by a flesh eating monster. I have no desire to do anything and it seems like everything doesn't matter anymore. This too shall pass like every episode that came before it, though that doesn't mean it will be easy to get through. My mother would know how to make me feel better, but she isn't here so I need to figure out how to do that myself. Maybe some sun will help.

I took a listen to Oingo Boingo because I felt like the only web-nerd who hasn't heard of them and I found out that the lead singer of the band, Danny Elfman, provided the vocals for Jack Skellington's songs in A Nightmare Before Christmas. I think I am the last person to figure this out. Tho who knows, maybe there is someone more oblivious out there

I recently read a post on a website discussing the recent upheaval of websites that are similar to the late webite of swirl.neocities.org . Before the closing of her site, I would regualry visit swirl's digital domain and be absolutely entranced at the layers on layers of coding, often my computer could barely load all the graphics. The start of my website was loosly inspired by her's, I would use aspects like pastel gradients and off white (more yellowish) colors on my site becuase I liked how it looked. Never once did I implement these aspects to my website to copy her but to in my own way, pay homage to her site. Though as I surf the neocities database I see other "cutecore" esc sites that also take some inspiration from swirl, but some that copy assets from her site and paste it into their own without any personal flair (or shame). Same borders, fonts, graphics, and just completely ripping off her site's layout. I find this disengenous to the whole point of neocities, a place to establish your individual footprint on the internet, just to do exactly the opposite. To take inspiration after someone is natural, but to copy them in a way that doesn't build your skills or express who you are is a diservice to not only others but to you especially. Is it really your site when everything about it reminds others of someone else's?