my despressive episode is getting unbearable, I need it to stop. This sadness seems neverending, like i am being eaten from the inside out by a flesh eating monster. I have no desire to do anything and it seems like everything doesn't matter anymore. This too shall pass like every episode that came before it, though that doesn't mean it will be easy to get through. My mother would know how to make me feel better, but she isn't here so I need to figure out how to do that myself. Maybe some sun will help.

I took a listen to Oingo Boingo because I felt like the only web-nerd who hasn't heard of them and I found out that the lead singer of the band, Danny Elfman, provided the vocals for Jack Skellington's songs in A Nightmare Before Christmas. I think I am the last person to figure this out. Tho who knows, maybe there is someone more oblivious out there

I recently read a post on a website discussing the recent upheaval of websites that are similar to the late webite of swirl.neocities.org . Before the closing of her site, I would regualry visit swirl's digital domain and be absolutely entranced at the layers on layers of coding, often my computer could barely load all the graphics. The start of my website was loosly inspired by her's, I would use aspects like pastel gradients and off white (more yellowish) colors on my site becuase I liked how it looked. Never once did I implement these aspects to my website to copy her but to in my own way, pay homage to her site. Though as I surf the neocities database I see other "cutecore" esc sites that also take some inspiration from swirl, but some that copy assets from her site and paste it into their own without any personal flair (or shame). Same borders, fonts, graphics, and just completely ripping off her site's layout. I find this disengenous to the whole point of neocities, a place to establish your individual footprint on the internet, just to do exactly the opposite. To take inspiration after someone is natural, but to copy them in a way that doesn't build your skills or express who you are is a diservice to not only others but to you especially. Is it really your site when everything about it reminds others of someone else's?